It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
