Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
