Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
