I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
All I want is dick and wine.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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