Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
