I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
