I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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