he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
