Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
