Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
