You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
cat food counts as protein by the way
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
