Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
