Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
