His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize