Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
