I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize