Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
