my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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