everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
