You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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