Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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