The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
