I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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