I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
