he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I checked into jail on foursquare
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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