I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize