I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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