CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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