hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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