I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
