I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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