Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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