Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
