it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
