hotel room ftw
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize