the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
