That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
