I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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