every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize