He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
