I'm gonna have a badass scar
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
