Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
