A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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