i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
