it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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