You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
