I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
