Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
