Whod you bang
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
