I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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