i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
