Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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