I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
