Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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