I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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