yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
