I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize