Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
