soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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