I think my vagina is haunted
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Church boner. Awkwardddd
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
