Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
