Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
