You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
