someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
