Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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