I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
