She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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